What to Do When a Soulmate Can’t Put You First

Arielle Ford by Arielle Ford | April 20th, 2010 | 2 Comments
topic: Health & Wellness, Healthy Aging, Personal Growth, Relationships

Feeling neglected by your soulmate? Don't be hearbroken!

Dear Arielle and Brian,

I recently met a wonderful man who seems to understand me. We like the same things, but he walked away because his sister is sick and he will be taking care of her. I am very sad about this and told him so. I asked that he keep in touch; he said he would like to do that.

I have been divorced for 10 years and have not met anyone like him. Will it be a good idea for me to hold onto him?


Dear Chelsea,

He sounds like a very loving and caring man, and it’s understandable and honorable that he would prioritize his sister’s care above his own personal relationships at this moment. He seems to have all of the qualities that are important for a meaningful relationship: loyalty, you enjoy the same things and you said he understands YOU! What a fabulous foundation. He also said he would love to keep in touch with you.

So, maybe a friendship is where you start. Maybe you can even find ways yourself to lend this “wonderful” man some support during this challenging time in his life. So, although you haven’t met anybody like him in 10 years, don’t worry about “holding” onto him. But, think about nurturing the friendship and see where that takes the two of you.

Dear Arielle and Brian,

Last summer, I finished reading and doing all of the exercises in The Soulmate Secret. I felt great, expecting and believing my soulmate was already there and somehow waiting for me, and that our hearts were already connected.

Soon after, I met two men who I believed had the potential to be the soulmate I was manifesting. Both ended up being very interested in me but didn’t have any time to spend with me because they were workaholics. I am wondering if I should change my soulmate wish list, as one of the items I wrote stated that my soulmate will be a “hard worker.” I feel more lonely than ever, and I am wondering if what I am doing is wrong.

I need your advice urgently,


Dear Dani,

First, let’s look at EVERYTHING you are doing right: You put in your time, energy intention and attention, and you manifested not one but TWO men who you felt were potential soulmates. That is absolutely fantastic.

You should feel really proud of yourself for this accomplishment. Now, here’s what might need a little adjustment. On your soulmate wish list, you asked for hard workers and ended up with workaholics.

On a certain level, you got what you asked for. Let’s examine what you meant by “hard worker.” Are you really asking for someone who has a career that he loves, earns a good living and will be able to financially contribute to your life together? Or, are you asking for someone who has a high-profile position, earns big money and will allow you to stay home and not work? Or, by hard-worker do you mean something else all together?

Whatever it is you really are asking for, you just need to be more specific. And, most importantly, you need to add to your wish list that your soulmate will have the time, energy and interest to spend lots of quality time with you. So, please make sure you spend some more time reflecting on not only the traits and qualities you wish your soulmate to possess, but also write a detailed description of what your lifestyle looks like together.

Once you gain more clarity on the qualities you really seek, you will be that much closer to having your dream come true. Also, remember to “live as if” your soulmate is already in your life and to cultivate as much self-love and self-care as you can during this process of meeting your soulmate. You might find that, eventually, you won’t feel you are doing anything “wrong” and what can be a fun and joyful process won’t be a “lonely” journey, or even an urgent one. But a loving, nurturing and healthy experience that ultimately ends up with the desired outcome — BIG LOVE and a wonderful partner for life.

Many blessings,

Arielle & Brian

Email your questions to:  soulmatesecret@yahoo.com



  1. Why should “he” or “her” put us first?
    we should put our self first, not in a selfish way of course, but out of self respect.
    Than, from this new perspective thing start to change, because we are changed.

    monica laura | April 30th, 2010 | Comment Permalink
  2. Run! You will never be first. I learned the hard way

    Kathy | May 3rd, 2010 | Comment Permalink

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