husbands

Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.

Her husband wishes she were his mother, so he could run away from home.

Nurse to husband waiting outside the maternity ward: "It's a person."

Wife to husband: The only explanation I have is that my money self-destructs.

In the western part of the United States the paper money is Federal Reserve Notes issued by the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco. The bills have an identifying L on them. One day a husband had a paper dollar in his hand and said to his wife: "This is a new one. It hasn't an L on it. It has an H. Where's it from?" "I don't know," replied his wife. "I don't read money. I only spend it." Money is money and is meant to be used. But we wonder how many apply that money attitude to life itself. How many just spend life; spend it without pausing occasionally to read its meaning?

The country girl had been in the big university for some months but seemed depressed and discouraged. Her roommate tried to cheer her up. "The first year is always the hardest. Remember you came here to get a college degree." "Oh yeah," was the reply. "I came to find a husband, but I haven't even had a date."

The alert was screaming its warning against invading German planes. People were racing for the shelters. "Hurry up!" cried the housewife to her spouse. "I can't find my false teeth," called the befuddled and tardy husband. "False teeth!" returned the exasperated wife. "What do you think they are dropping? Sandwiches?"

Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.

A man and his wife, each in a different small plane, were out enjoying a flight, when the husband committed a flight error. He was able to recover, but his wife who was following him, crashed and was killed. The husband was distraught, blaming himself for the accident. One day when pleading with the Lord for forgiveness, he heard a voice saying "Jesus died, even for dumb mistakes."

I have a lifetime appointment and I intend to serve it. I expect to die at 110, shot by a jealous husband.