Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on trust and water

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

in

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on babies, friendship, and writing

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on friendship

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on birth and friendship

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark 'til he was eight years old.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on words

in

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My girlfriend has a Queen-size bed. . . . I have a Court Jester size bed. . . . It's red and green, has bells on it . . . and the ends curl up.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on neighbors

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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