So what's the speed of dark?
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 mile per hour, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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