Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on problems

Smoking cures weight problems . . . eventually.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on darkness

So what's the speed of dark?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on neighbors

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on adoption, evolution, and theory

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on listening and mistakes

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 mile per hour, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on belief and time

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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