Sorry . . . my mind was wandering . . . One time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 mile per hour, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.
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