Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright... until you hear them speak?
Smoking cures weight problems . . . eventually.
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