Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice

in

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on home and machines

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on food

in

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on purpose and trying

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on information

I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I had amnesia once or twice.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on action, criticism, and opposites

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on future, laziness, and work

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

Syndicate content