Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on children

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I eat Swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. I eat it from the inside out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice

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I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on home and machines

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on food

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I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day, learning, and sleep

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I bought a ticket on Airline Bizarre . . . a one-way round-trip ticket. . . . You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday. . . . that way, you still have the weekend.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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