I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.
I eat Swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. I eat it from the inside out.
I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing.
I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.
I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
I bought a ticket on Airline Bizarre . . . a one-way round-trip ticket. . . . You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday. . . . that way, you still have the weekend.
I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!
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