Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on information

I got up one morning, couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I had amnesia once or twice.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on water

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I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on lawyers and luck

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on curiosity, justice, motherhood, sleep, thought, and time

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on thinking

I can't stop thinking like this.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on employees

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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