Groucho Marx

Firefly: Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we oughta have? Chicolini: Well, I tell you what I think. I think we should have a standing army. Firefly: Why should we have a standing army? Chicolini: Because then we save money on chairs.

Mrs. Teasdale calls for rescue and Firefly delivers the famous line to his cohorts as they rescue her: "Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

Firefly (to Mrs. Teasdale): You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

Chandler announces that he is sailing for Uruguay. Spaulding delivers a memorable pun: "Well, you go Uruguay and I'll go mine."

One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I don't know.

Whoever named necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Look at me, I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Hello, I must be going.