Gracie Allen

The Senate is the only show in the world where the cash customers have to sit in the balcony.

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

Every man is born with the ability to do something well. This is what the Lord intended him to do. Using that ability - what life is all about.

Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old. [said when George Burns was only 64. He lived to be 100]