Dave Barry

1947 -

A Quote by Dave Barry

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Contributed by: The Grand Abbot

A Quote by Dave Barry on computers, contentment, day, efficiency, employees, and government

Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect. . . . Today's government uses computers which are capable of cranking out millions of documents per day without any regard whatsoever for their content, thereby freeing government employees for more important responsibilities, such as not answering their phones.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Source: Cyberspace, 1996

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on business, cheating, employees, god, guidance, ideas, information, money, questions, and taxes

The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless. So, for guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. . . .

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on business, education, employees, honesty, hope, men, and women

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on argument, clarity, friendship, people, and respect

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on computers, errors, and memory

The function of RAM is to give us guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest, most tumescent MEMORY. This is important, because with today's complex software, the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages. So the bottom line is, if you're a guy, you cannot have enough RAM.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Source: Cyberspace, 1996

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on certainty, colors, darkness, fashion, and rules

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules, including: * Both of your socks should always be the same color, * Or they should at least both be fairly dark.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on clothes and golf

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on life and people

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dave Barry on electricity, force, jobs, justice, maxims, people, and seriousness

Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc., for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lighting storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lighting was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.

Dave Barry (1947 -)

Source: “What is Electricity?”

Contributed by: Zaady

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