We all crave connection. We long to love and be loved. Even those of us who have been hurt or abandoned secretly hope that someone will come along to prove to us that love is real and intimacy is achievable. During the holidays we are catapulted into situations where we can see how far we have come or how far we have yet to go regarding relationships. Today I want to share a tool to help you or someone you love transform feelings of isolation by looking at connection as a choice.
The dictionary defines “isolation” as separate from the group or whole; to render free of external influence. You may have been conditioned to feel that being authentic, speaking the truth or contradicting someone could result in backlash in the form of anger. What if you decided to use your voice?
I believe we want to communicate in ways that unite us. We want to keep our hearts open and feel safe to be vulnerable and transparent — but we become guarded and unable to love because it is too uncomfortable.
You cannot connect to another if you are not connected to yourself. Look at our own beliefs and behaviors to discover the meaning of self-worth and self-love. When that moment occurs, you can experience freedom.
This week, try this tool to help you shift from isolation to connection during this holiday season.
1. On one side of a piece of paper, write how you react when you feel disconnected.
Include where you feel denied, where and when you hold back and where you feel powerless.
2. One the other side of the paper, note how you express feelings of connection.
Describe how you feel when you are loved and supported. Write down how your body feels when you are open to love and acceptance.
3. Set three intentions in support of your answers to #2.
You are at a choice point. Create intentions such as, “I will love myself when others act in unloving ways.” Or, “I choose to share my feelings in a calm way, expecting nothing in return.”
4. Take this week to practice with people who are not close to you.
You can do this with coworkers or in non-threatening environments. You can use this technique to establish a new pattern.
I invite you this week to choose to be visible, to love yourself and to be open to relationships that are connected and supportive.