Dear Arielle and Brian,
What do you do when you are calling in “the one” and then get distracted by the recycles who become magnetized? And I’m now wondering whether he is “the one”? I realize that it comes down to discerning which one is the right one. In many ways, the familiar has an advantage because they already cherish me and know my heart versus a new man coming in and not knowing much about me. The negative side of this is that it didn’t work before and why go down that road again?
What advice do you have for me?
Some of the comfort and ease you might be feeling with your ex is related to brain chemistry. As soon as you smelled him again, parts of your brain DNA were triggered by pleasurable memories that may or may not have any meaning when it comes to determining if he is the one for you. Our first question to you is this: Are you committed to your own long-term happiness? If so, do you want a partner with whom you share chemistry, compatibility, communication and a shared vision for the future? If so, then you have to seriously ask yourself: if the relationship with your ex didn’t work in the past, why do you think it will work now and in the future?
Can you see spending the next 30-40 years together? Does he make you happy? Did he change? Did you? Did circumstances? At some point you will seriously have to evaluate these things.
But since you don’t have to decide right this second whether or not to commit to him, why don’t you just date for a while? And, something to think about: when women have sex, the brain releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and you will think he’s the one even when he may not be.
We would like to remind you that all of us have many potential soulmates out there so take your time, and be sure to check in with your deepest heart before making any big decisions.
Arielle and Brian
Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with The Law of Attraction and her husband Brian Hilliard, a business consultant, answer your questions about life, love and relationships. They believe that whether you are eighteen or eighty years old, finding Big Love is always possible. Email your questions to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Disclaimer: Arielle Ford, Brian Hilliard, the Big Love column and its publishers assume no responsibility for any consequence relating directly or indirectly to any action or inaction you take based on the information, services or other material related to this column.