Should You Give Your All to Someone Who Doesn’t Give Back?

Arielle Ford by Arielle Ford | October 27th, 2010 | 1 Comment
topic: Personal Growth, Relationships

Man and woman having a relationship fightDear Arielle & Brian,

Earlier this year I met someone who I thought was my soulmate and I gave and gave and gave. I thought he also gave, but certainly not as much as I did, even though I was not keeping score. Shortly after we started dating he lost his job and turned to me for solace and advice, and then he left me abruptly, saying he did not have the emotional stamina and strength to reciprocate the giving I was demonstrating. I was left devastated and emotionally exhausted.

I have heard you say that in a relationship you should give 110 percent, but don’t you feel caution must be exercised because there’s a lot of needy people out there who just take and take, leaving the giver feeling very depleted?

Kind regards,


Dear Maryann,

We strongly believe that when you are in a healthy, long-term, committed relationship, giving 110 percent to the relationship is the optimum way to go. In fact, leading with love (and, as best you can, unconditional love) there is never a reason or need to keep score. When you make your relationship the #1 priority in both of your lives, making decisions becomes easier because you do what is best for the relationship, not the individual. It will always be reciprocal in nature. And in most cases you’ll each know you have a loving and soft place to land. You’ll feel a sense of equilibrium and you will actually be filled up with so much joy and happiness that your spirit will soar!

In your previous relationship, your generous nature overrode your discernment and boundaries and you ended up giving and giving to someone who wasn’t ready to receive and share the level of relationship you assumed you had with this person. In fact, that dynamic can be very draining for you energetically, and in most cases the relationship will eventually lose its balance. Remember, giving isn’t always loving; sometimes giving can be disempowering … but that is a lengthy conversation for another time.

You sound like an amazing woman and we suggest that when you are ready for your next relationship, you take the necessary time to fully get to know and understand your partner, and that your love is built on a foundation of two people committed to a union of healing, renewal, safety and harmony.

Wishing you happiness,

Arielle & Brian

Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction and her husband Brian Hilliard, a business consultant, answer your questions about life, love and relationships. They believe that whether you are 18 or 80 years old, finding love is always possible. Email your questions to:


  1. Read Epictetus, Anthony De Mello and Kahlil Gibran and learn from their word.

    Peter Yorkoski | November 8th, 2010 | Comment Permalink

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