vices

SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.

SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.

MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.

IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

EAVESDROP, v.i. Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and vices of another or yourself.

DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.

CONVENT, n. A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise to commit.

I will not steal a victory. The end and perfection of our victories is to avoid the vices and infirmities of those whom we subdue.