Catbert, Evil Director of Human Resources [Talking to Pointy-Haired Boss]: "You don't need to reward employees. Just torture them less. It will feel the same as a reward."
Pointy-Haired Boss [to Tina]: "Tina, we need a few minor edits on our product brochure. We've discovered our product causes hallucinations and sterility. See if you can put a positive spin on that."