jokes

A Quote by Garrison Keillor on grace, humor, jokes, and world

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

Garrison Keillor (1942 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Fred Allen on age, comedy, competition, history, jokes, life, machines, and time

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by F. Burton Howard on anger, apologies, automobiles, certainty, choice, christmas, cities, clarity, college, confusion, day, decisions, driving, family, fatherhood, good, history, home, jokes, journeys, kiss, laughter, life, losing, mountains, n

When I was in my first year of college at Logan, Utah, I bought an old car for a hundred dollars. I was eighteen and thought that I knew all about driving. It was Christmastime, and my parents were living on a ranch in Wyoming. I picked up my two grandmothers and took them to my parents' home for Christmas. We had a grand time there. When it was time to return to school, the weather had changed and the roads were treacherous. That morning as we were ready to leave, we held a family prayer in the living room. My father prayed that we would have a safe journey. After we had loaded my car with suitcases, blankets, tuna fish sandwiches, and a thermos bottle full of Postum, Dad walked out to the car and said, 'I want to talk to you.' We went over and stood by the fence. 'You have a very valuable cargo,' he said, nodding at my grandmothers. 'I want you to promise me that if the roads are bad and it's snowing when you get down to Lander, you won't go over South Pass. I want you to take the long way.' I promised him that I would. My parents kissed us good-bye, and we were on our way. We had nice weather until we got to Riverton; then it started to snow. By the time we got to Lander, it was snowing pretty hard. I remembered my promise, so when we came to the intersection where you turn to go up the mountain, I made a conscious turn to go the long way. I remember thinking then that it was going to take us five hours longer to get to Utah. I knew the road, and I was absolutely certain that I had made the right turn. As we drove along, we were joking and laughing, although the snow was getting thicker. Then I saw a sign that read, 'Historic Old South Pass City,' and I realized that I had somehow become confused in the snowstorm and had taken the wrong road! I thought, Dad will be angry with me! I don't know how this happened-it wasn't intentional. I had only two choices: I could keep on going, or I could turn around and go back. By this time, we were at the summit, so I decided that we might as well keep going and that I would apologize to Dad later. As we came down the mountain, the snow stopped and the roads were clear. We drove to Logan and then to Malad without any problems. On my way to school the next day I happened to see the front-page headline of a newspaper: WORST BLIZZARD OF THE YEAR STRANDS HUNDREDS IN CENTRAL WYOMING. I bought a paper, and it was full of stories about people who had been stranded, lost, or killed on the road that I had promised to take. I realized that the prayer our family had offered had been answered. I knew that the Lord had gotten us on the right road, and I realized how He had protected us. I was never the same after that.

F. Burton Howard (1933 -)

Source: © by Intellectual Reserve, Inc.Used by permission.

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Edouard Fournier on chance, habits, jokes, and speech

When Harel wished to put a joke or witticism into circulation, he was in the habit of connecting it with some celebrated name, on the chance of reclaiming it if it took. Thus he assigned to Talleyrand, in the "Nain Jaune," the phrase, "Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts."

Edouard Fournier (1819 - 1880)

Source: L'Esprit dans l'Histoire. 1857

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Doug Larson on chance, good, jokes, and niceness

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

Doug Larson

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Dick Clark on fatherhood, humor, jokes, laws, and truth

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Dick Clark

Source: 1995

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Charles Brower on death, ideas, and jokes

A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow.

Charles Brower

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Arthur Gordon "Art" Linkletter on age, clothes, humor, jokes, laughter, and sense of humor

And keep a sense of humor. It doesn't mean you have to tell jokes. If you can't think of anything else, when you're my age, take off your clothes and walk in front of a mirror. I guarantee you'll get a laugh.

Art Linkletter (1912 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Aristophanes on audiences, failure, jokes, and laughter

Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh?

Aristophanes (c.450 - c.385 BC)

Source: Frogs, 405 B.C.

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Ambrose Gwinett Bierce on cleverness and jokes

WITTICISM, n. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."

Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

Source: The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce

Contributed by: Zaady

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