A Quote by Sol Luckman on halarious, funny, desperate, and beggar

"I tried every trick in the book. I stood and begged, sat and begged, lay down and begged, begged on my knees. I drew little signs indicating I was unemployed, I was retarded, I was a starving artist, I was an orphan, I was deaf or blind or mute, I suffered from dengue fever, I had a broken heart. I changed locations and times. I faked whiplash, a fractured femur, an abscessed tooth. I moaned and groaned, gnashed my teeth and wailed as I sat impossibly twisted on the sidewalk. I even squirted ketchup swiped from a deli all over my jeans and complained of intestinal bleeding. But nothing, I mean nothing worked!"

Sol Luckman

Source: Beginner's Luke: Book I of the Beginner's Luke Series

Contributed by: Elle

A Quote by Mitch Hedberg on travel, map, world, comedy, and funny

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

Mitch Hedberg

Contributed by: Andi

A Quote by Thomas Eugene (Tom) Robbins on rap, music, rhyme, and funny

“Rap music... sounds like somebody feeding a rhyming dictionary to a popcorn popper.”

Tom Robbins (1936 -)

Contributed by: luz

A Quote by Richard Henry "Peter" Sellers on real, funny, and joke

There used to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.

Peter Sellers (1925 - 1980)

Contributed by: a-life

A Quote by Lewis Black on lewis black, government, comedy, and funny

The government is human beings, and the reason government sucks, is because none of the human beings have any fucking common sense!

Lewis Black

Contributed by: Lori

A Quote by Mitch on work, personal life, humor, and funny

When you think about the people you know at work and in your personal life, you almost always remember the ones who are funny, and these are the people you want to be around.

Mitch Thrower

Source: "The Attention Deficit Workplace" by Mitch Thrower

Contributed by: Mitch

A Quote by Mitch on sense of humor, best kept secret, listen, funny, and idea

One of the best-kept secrets of a sense of humor is to listen, because everyone has a different idea of what’s funny.

Mitch Thrower

Source: "The Attention Deficit Workplace" by Mitch Thrower

Contributed by: Mitch

A Quote by Garrison Keillor on god, comedy, and funny

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Garrison Keillor (1942 -)

Contributed by: intrigue

A Quote by unknown on funny


paddle faster, i hear banjos


Contributed by: Amber

A Quote by unknown on funny


Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you criticize them you are a mile away and you have their shoes.


Contributed by: Amber

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