Dilbert

Do you see this thimble? I keep my morale in it.

Asok the Intern: "I have a question about this document marked "Proprietary". If I spent my whole life searching, do you think I would find anyone who would care about it?"

Dilbert [in his cubicle]: I ask for so little. [Pause] And boy do I get it.

Pointy-Haired Boss [to Tina]: "Tina, we need a few minor edits on our product brochure. We've discovered our product causes hallucinations and sterility. See if you can put a positive spin on that."

Stupid Person [talking to Dilbert, who must pass the test of withstanding stupidity]: "My computer screen says, 'Press any key to continue.' Can I borrow your keys? Mine are locked in my Yugo. I could break the driver's side window...But it's bad enough that the windshield is gone."

Watch me not care

Okay, let me explain this in the simplest possible way...you...are...an...idiot.

I can only think of one thing worse than having all of my stuff stolen. And that is having some of it returned.

Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking.