EULOGY, n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
Source: The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce
Contributed by: Zaady
ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
DIE, n. The singular of "dice." We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, "Never say die."
DEATH, n. To stop sinning suddenly.
APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
If we are to abolish the death penalty, I should like to see the first step taken by our friends the murderers.
Alphonse Karr (1808 - 1890)
Source: Lés Guêpes, Jan 1849
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