Will Rogers

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

Don't gamble! Take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it 'till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.

Will Rogers used to say he wouldn't run for president no matter how badly the country needed a comedian.

I don't know jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I never met a man I didn't like.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles.

I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.