Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields (1879 - 1946)
Contributed by: Jordan
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Contributed by: Zaady
I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks. Evidently had a low opinion of Philadelphia
Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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