Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice and women

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on crime and schools

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on babies

in

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on jokes

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If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on caring

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If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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