Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
My dog is an East German Shepherd.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
It's a fine night to have an evening.
It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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