Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on birth and friendship

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark 'til he was eight years old.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on words

in

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My girlfriend has a Queen-size bed. . . . I have a Court Jester size bed. . . . It's red and green, has bells on it . . . and the ends curl up.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on neighbors

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on people

in

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on fishing

in

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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