One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark 'til he was eight years old.
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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