Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on neighbors

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on adoption, evolution, and theory

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on listening and mistakes

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 mile per hour, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on fishing

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Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on jobs, people, and work

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on birthday and good

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on cute, rest, and time

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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