My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark 'til he was eight years old.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
My girlfriend has a Queen-size bed. . . . I have a Court Jester size bed. . . . It's red and green, has bells on it . . . and the ends curl up.
My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.
My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
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