My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 mile per hour, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
My dog is an East German Shepherd.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
It's a fine night to have an evening.
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