The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. . . . [picks up his glass of water from the stool] . . . I like to live on the edge. . . .
This isn't all true.
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism - to steal from many is research.
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.
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