Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism - to steal from many is research.
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honor. Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
The power in my apartment went out the other night. I had to use the flash on my camera to find my way around. I took twenty seven pictures of my kitchen while I was making a sandwich. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright... until you hear them speak?
Smoking cures weight problems . . . eventually.
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