The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.
The power in my apartment went out the other night. I had to use the flash on my camera to find my way around. I took twenty seven pictures of my kitchen while I was making a sandwich. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."
Sorry . . . my mind was wandering . . . One time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for.
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