The power in my apartment went out the other night. I had to use the flash on my camera to find my way around. I took twenty seven pictures of my kitchen while I was making a sandwich. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. . . . [picks up his glass of water from the stool] . . . I like to live on the edge. . . .
This isn't all true.
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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