Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice and war

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on imitation

What are imitation rhinestones?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on babies, day, and hospitals

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Today, I dialed a wrong number. The other side said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?" They said, "Uh, I don't think so . . . He's only two months old." I said, "I'll wait "

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on honor, insanity, judgment, and mind

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honor. Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on money

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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day, dogs, and people

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day and people

in

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on neighbors, power, and thought

The power in my apartment went out the other night. I had to use the flash on my camera to find my way around. I took twenty seven pictures of my kitchen while I was making a sandwich. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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