Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on babies, day, and hospitals

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice and war

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on imitation

What are imitation rhinestones?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Today, I dialed a wrong number. The other side said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?" They said, "Uh, I don't think so . . . He's only two months old." I said, "I'll wait "

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on people and power

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on water

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They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. . . . [picks up his glass of water from the stool] . . . I like to live on the edge. . . .

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

This isn't all true.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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