Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on babies, day, and hospitals

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, "So. What did you think?"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice and war

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on imitation

What are imitation rhinestones?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Today, I dialed a wrong number. The other side said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?" They said, "Uh, I don't think so . . . He's only two months old." I said, "I'll wait "

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

This isn't all true.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on ideas, plagiarism, and research

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism - to steal from many is research.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on honor, insanity, judgment, and mind

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honor. Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on money

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The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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