Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles and justice

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on belief

in

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on travel

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Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies." So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars. . . ."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

There aren't enough days in the weekend.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on fishing and justice

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on statistics

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on borrowing and women

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. "You didn't borrow this." "I will."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on clarity, conscience, and memory

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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