I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Source: see Olivier
For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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