I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for 'permanent' press? I don't get it . . .
Every once in a while I like to stick my head out the window, look up at the sky and smile . . . for a satellite picture.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Source: see Olivier
For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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