Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles, boredom, driving, and people

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on age, anxiety, thought, and time

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on children

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child . . . eventually.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on practice

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on mistakes and sleep

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep well?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on cruelty and ideas

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

What do batteries run on?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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