What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child . . . eventually.
When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep well?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes"
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