When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child . . . eventually.
When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.
When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep well?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes"
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
What do batteries run on?
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