I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. . . . So I had to buy them again.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
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