Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on brothers, christmas, and gifts

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on inclusion

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. . . . So I had to buy them again.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on action, criticism, and opposites

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on future, laziness, and work

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on employees

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day, dogs, insanity, and justice

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on death

in

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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