Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on employees

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day, dogs, insanity, and justice

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on death

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I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day, learning, and sleep

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I bought a ticket on Airline Bizarre . . . a one-way round-trip ticket. . . . You leave any Monday and they bring you back the previous Friday. . . . that way, you still have the weekend.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on brothers, christmas, and gifts

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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