Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on love and needs

in

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on birds

in

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles and play

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. The harmonica sounds 'amazing.'

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on water

in

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on lawyers and luck

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on curiosity, justice, motherhood, sleep, thought, and time

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on thinking

I can't stop thinking like this.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on children

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I eat Swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. I eat it from the inside out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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