Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on day

in

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on america

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I have a map of the United States . . . actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile" I spent last summer folding it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles, home, and machines

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on curiosity, justice, motherhood, sleep, thought, and time

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on thinking

I can't stop thinking like this.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on children

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I eat Swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. I eat it from the inside out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice

in

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one. It wasn't doing what I was doing.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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