Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day

in

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on america

in

I have a map of the United States . . . actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile" I spent last summer folding it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles, home, and machines

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on world

in

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world. . . . Perhaps you've seen it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles and people

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on good

in

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on inventions

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice

in

I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice and people

I just installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

Syndicate content