Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on good

in

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on inventions

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice

in

I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on justice and people

I just installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on plants

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I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on love and needs

in

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on birds

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I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles and play

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. The harmonica sounds 'amazing.'

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day

in

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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