I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."
I put a new engine in my car, but I forgot to take the old one out. . . . Now I can go 300 mph.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I put tape on my mirrors at my house so I won't accidentally walk through them into another dimension.
I have a map of the United States . . . actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile" I spent last summer folding it.
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