Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on day and friendship

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on people and rest

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on sales

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I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything today.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on advertising

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on machines and money

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on dogs

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I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on birth and death

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I had my coat hangers spayed.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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