Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

I put tape on my mirrors at my house so I won't accidentally walk through them into another dimension.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on bankers and time

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on day and friendship

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on people and rest

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on sales

in

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything today.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on advertising

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on machines and money

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on plants

in

I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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