I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when suddenly the prescription ran out.
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."
I put a new engine in my car, but I forgot to take the old one out. . . . Now I can go 300 mph.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I put tape on my mirrors at my house so I won't accidentally walk through them into another dimension.
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