I was walking down the street wearing glasses when suddenly the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.
I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said, "Oops . . . "
I put a new engine in my car, but I forgot to take the old one out. . . . Now I can go 300 mph.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I put tape on my mirrors at my house so I won't accidentally walk through them into another dimension.
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
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