Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on restaurants and time

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on heart

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I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on bankers, borrowing, and money

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on fighting

I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours" He said, "Yes, but not in a row"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on children and time

I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on defeat and purpose

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on restaurants

I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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