I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."
I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours" He said, "Yes, but not in a row"
I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
I went to a fancy French restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"
I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale."
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