I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes . . .
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
I'm writing a book. I have the page numbers down. . . . I just have to fill in the rest.
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."
I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
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