Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on destruction and success

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on opposites and progress

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on seasons and tourists

If its tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on food, kindness, and restaurants

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on food and health

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" I said, "I don't know . . . let me ask Tony."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours" He said, "Yes, but not in a row"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on children and time

I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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