If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Steven Wright (1955 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes . . .
I'm writing a book. I have the page numbers down. . . . I just have to fill in the rest.
I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
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