Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on babies

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If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on food, kindness, and restaurants

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on food and health

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" I said, "I don't know . . . let me ask Tony."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on books, children, and purpose

I wrote a few children's books . . . not on purpose.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on listening, music, and songs

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on machines

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes . . .

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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