Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on control and death

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on cats, food, and justice

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why is it a penny for your thoughts, but you have to put your two-cents in.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles, boredom, driving, and people

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on age, anxiety, thought, and time

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on children

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child . . . eventually.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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