Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on order and songs

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song . . . the guy who wrote that, wrote everything.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on cooking, electricity, and life

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. . . . If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on automobiles

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the entire area was missing.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on decisions, lies, and time

You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on mistakes and sleep

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep well?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes"

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on cruelty and ideas

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

What do batteries run on?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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