Steven Wright

1955 -

A Quote by Steven Wright on cars, automobiles, hitchhiking, speeding, california, and salvador dali

I decided to leave and go to California, so I packed up my Salvador Dali print of two blindfolded dental hygienists trying to make a circle on an Etch-a-Sketch, and I headed for the highway and began hitching. Within three minutes I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand-new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, "I don't have much room up here. Why don't you get into one of the cars out back?" So I did. And he was really into picking people up, because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Source: Audio recording transcript at http://gdl.msu.edu/~vanhoose/humor/0296.html

Contributed by: CajunGypsy

A Quote by Steven Wright

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Tarryn

A Quote by Steven Wright on everything, to have, and ownership

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: giygas

A Quote by Steven Wright on decisions, lies, and time

You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on time

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You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on money

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Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright on control and death

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

A Quote by Steven Wright

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Steven Wright (1955 -)

Contributed by: Zaady

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