Quentin Crisp

After the third year, the dust doesn't get any worse. (on why he doesn't clean his apt.)

Believe in fate, but lean forward where fate can see you.

Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change.

The young always have the same problem--how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another.

Vice is its own reward.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?"

Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.