Ogden Nash

There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.

Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.

Here lies my past. Good-bye I have kissed it; Thank you, kids. I wouldn't have missed it.

He tells you when you've got on too much lipstick, And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.

Bankers Are Just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer