Mark Twain

I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.