Mark Twain

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

In his private heart no man much respects himself.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, know how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

What a good thing Adam had - when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

Don't part with your allusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.