Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

All that I care to know is that a man is a human being - that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.

My first American ancestor, gentlemen, was an Indian-an early Indian. Your ancestors skinned him alive, and I am an orphan. All those Salem witches were ancestors of mine. Your people made it tropical for them. . . . The first slave brought into New England out of Africa was an ancestor of mine-for I am a mixed breed, an infinitely shaded and exquisite Mongrel.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. (The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.)

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion are adversaries, some are insane.