Mark Twain

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.

I'll risk forty dollars that he can outjump an frog in Calaveras county

In studying the traits and dispositions of the so-called lower animals, and contrasting them with man's, I find the result humiliating to me.

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.