If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson (1925 -)
Contributed by: Zaady
There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, "It was all right but I liked the book better."
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: "Are you ready?"
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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