H.L. Mencken

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Do not overestimate the decency of the human race.

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.

A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.

The Christian always mixes prudence with his devotion. He is willing to serve three gods, but draws the line at one wife.

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.

No form of liberty is worth a darn [sic] which doesn't give us the right to do wrong now and then.

There are two times in every man's life when he is thoroughly happy; just after he has met his first love and just after he has parted from his last one.