Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)
Contributed by: Zaady
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Life's but a day at most.
People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.
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