I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)
Contributed by: Zaady
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Life's but a day at most.
People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
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