With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
George Burns (1896 - 1996)
Contributed by: Zaady
You can't help getting older but you don't have to get old.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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