Gary Apple

I'm fascinated by historical trivia. For example, George Washington had trouble flossing because his teeth kept catching fire.

Can you believe the weather we are having? Cold, windy and damp . . . And I hear outdoors it's even worse.

Aladdin rubbed a lamp and a genie appeared. With my luck if I rubbed the lamp, I'd probably get an IRS auditor.

I'm not the man I used to be, so why should I have to pay off his debts?

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him on weekends.

That's a very good question. See me at the break, and I'll avoid answering it then, too.

You may not know this, but I'm an impressionist. Allow me to do my impression of a competent public speaker.

I'm way overdue for a promotion. I've made so many lateral moves, I'm beside myself.

Life is short; to prove it, criminals sentenced to life get out in ten years.

Times are tough for everyone. A small Bible publishing company just filed Chapter 11, Verses 1 through 14.