A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
Contributed by: Mary_C
Committee - A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Contributed by: speakerforthelost
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Contributed by: Chris
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Contributed by: Zaady
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch.
After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
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