Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
Source: "While Rome Burns," Our Mrs. Parker, by Alexander Woollcott, 1934.
Contributed by: Zaady
It costs me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. 'Aha, my little dear,' I say, 'Your clan will pay me back one day.'
Source: 'Thought for a Sunshiny Morning.' Sunset Gun
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
When told she was very outspoken: Outspoken by whom?
Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses.
Source: Enough Rope
By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying - Lady make note of this: One of you is lying.
Source: Unfortunate Coincidence
On naming her canary 'Onan'; referring to Genesis, 38:9: Because he spills his seed on the ground.
Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.
Every year back spring comes, with nasty little birds, yapping their fool heads off.
Suggested epitaph for her own tombstone: This is on me.
Source: You Might As Well Live, Pt 1. Ch 5, by J. Keats, 1970.
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