Calvin Trillin

The average trade book has a shelf life of between milk and yogurt, except for books by any member of the Irving Wallace family - they have preservatives.

When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. . . . A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement.

I didn't do very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club.

As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Even today, well-brought-up English girls are taught by their mothers to boil all veggies for at least a month and a half, just in case one of the dinner guests turns up without his teeth.